blogging once again.
just gonna blog about some issues, so this is gonna be a long post.
something bad happened today that left me very speechless, i don't know whether i'm feeling upset, sad, guilty, regret.
but probably, a mixture of all the emotions.
it doesn't seem like a very big issue, but i have learnt a lot from it, at least.
and that also explains why i've decide to block my blog, and only allow certain peeps to view it.
so ya, as most of you know, this is a newly created blog.
all the while, i've always been updating on my previous blog.
i rant, scold, or whatever on that blog, which i have been using for the past three years.
being just a normal kid/girl/student or whatever in school, i've always been updating my previous blog, thinking that only my closer friends have the link to it. i guess i have forgotten that i placed my link on stupid facebook, or as my blog can easily be access by anyone, as it is open to public. some person, maybe my hater, teacher, i don't know. even though i don't think i've any haters, because i've always been the quiet one in school, and am only noisy and talkative when i'm with my closer friends. i don't think i've offended anyone, because for a person with my personality, i don't really scold, criticize or whatever people i don't really know. so i am quite puzzled over this incident.
so yeap, after much explaination, some might be wondering what exactly happened right?
the issue may be like a 'oh, chey, like that only' to some peeps, but no, for me.
so it all happened in february, which was like 2-3 months ago.
to me, this particular teacher A have always 'aimed' on me.
i don't know, it may be a feeling perhaps.
having a high tolerance, i can easily tolerate things that does not go beyond my limit.
teacher A have always scold me for my 'sloppy' attire (this is what she claimed), or messy attire, i don't know. she called me lian before, and yeah, always pestering me because of my attire.
i was really really irritated after tolerating it for at least a year already.
i don't know what i was thinking at that point, perhaps i just want to rant about it, thinking that no one actually reads my 'typical-singaporean-girl-sian-sian-talk-about-her-life-blog', i decided to blog and scold this particular teacher on my blog.
like I said, it was two months ago.
it may seem like a pretty short time, but no, i am sure that i have grew a lot more mature in terms of my thinking and behaviour in this two short months.
so yeap, i started to blog and scold her about my blog.
my words were really really mean, it just doesn't seem like something i will write.
but eventually, i still did, out of anger.
and today, this issue came back to haunt me.
i was called by teacher A.
surprised, obviously.
at first, i thought it was about my results, so, just a little bit afraid.
until she handed me this booklet, that says 'confidential'.
sounds kind of scary for a person like me with weak heart.
so i opened up the booklet...
the first page states my email address and some other words.
my first thought was : dang, did i email her something that i shouldn't. maybe it was some virus, and i probably have unintentionally spam her mail, and she just want to clarify it.
it was not until at the second page...
my blog post appeared.
the entire blog post, and the whole chunk of me scolding her, was highlighted.
i didn't know what i was thinking at that instance, because i was too horrified.
i continued flipping the pages, and i saw a photo of me and my cousins.
dang, the person must have hate me to the core, that he/she have included a picture of me and my cousins. wow wow wow.
amazing huh?
don't wanna elaborate much here..
so, i looked at her and said : ya, i wrote tht.
yes, intergrity is the most important right.
furthermore, i can't deny anymore at tht point of time.
so, i guess she was really disappointed and upset with me, because in her eyes, i have always been the good, quiet and hardworking student.
she explained some stuffs to me, putting down her pride, that's what she said.
i know that i'm in the wrong, but i seriously don't mean it.
yes, i may be like 16 years old already, but humans make mistakes right?
i'm sure that i'll learn from it.
part of a growing up process, i hope.
so.. i typed a letter of apology/reflection or whatever you call that to her just now.
i hope that she won't pursue this matter, because olvls is everything i wanna concentrate on now.
thousands or millions apologises won't be of use now, especially if i have already hurt her so hard and so badly.
but still, i sincerely apologized, and hope that this matter will stop for now.
so yeah, this is what happened.
lesson learnt.
to end this, the internet is really a super duper scary place.
people you don't know may just get hold of your inormation, or something you wrote via the net.
so, do think twice before acting. don't end up like me.
teacher A killed my mood to study, even though there's physics test tomorrow.
but this is life, this is life, i've to accept it, and face the mistakes i've made.
really appreciate those peeps that tried to talk to me, and help me.
esp my lovelove : tan, kan and cheng.
appreciated it very much, love you peeps.
off to study now xx.
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