don't feel good today. :(
feeling like I didn't put in enough effort to help mum celebrate her birthday.
ugh, some more birthdays are one in a year. :(((((
and same for last year too. I didn't even spend an hour of her birthday w her last year..
Even though I spent more time w her this year as compared to last year.. but still, I feel bad.
Mum turns 49 today, and it will be her last year before she turns 50.
It is kind of sad that she is still unable to enjoy her life despite working really hard for the past 48 years. 48 years does sound a bit exaggerating, but as a teen, she had to work half the day and study during the other half of the day. Do the housework, cook, bring the younger siblings in the family for checkups and injections. It definitely doesn't sound easy for a person born in the Y generation like myself. I guess I will never get to experience that and I will never know how it feels like..
My initial plan was to bring mum out today for lunch and to do some walking and shopping. Before I decided on a present to buy, I had many ideas like buying her a new bag, new clothes, new wallet, some higher end facial products, new necklace, new phone, new ipad.. and the list goes on. I guess it isn't tough selecting a present to buy for someone thrifty like my mum since she rarely shop. I decided to op for a new wallet in the end because I know that her wallet is getting old (just like my dad's), and also getting her new gadgets will be a bit too expensive.
One thing I don't really like about myself is that I always buy things (birthday presents) really last min and I will never learn my lesson. I still feel that it isn't a bad thing, but it is really contradicting especially when I am such a fussy gift giver (Such term exist??) and I only choose to buy things that the other party needs/will use. I rarely take risks because I like the feeling of receiving something I like and I'm pretty sure everybody do! I tend to expose myself often by asking the particular person for their opinion before I decide on something for their birthday. ikr, just like fatty's birthday even though I chose the gift myself. Nowadays, I tend to be Ms Mysterious and just buy something and hide it. And most of the time, I tend to regret my choice after I buy something. call me Ms Can't-make-up-her-mind.
If the item is cheap, well, I guess that's okay. For my aunt's birthday, it took me quite some time before deciding on getting her a Coach pouch! I was quite pleased with what I got, but at the same time, it wasn't the best because I know that what I got her was a little too small.
For mummy's birthday, I bought her a wallet from Agnes B. No idea why I start buying branded stuffs for birthday gifts this year (not all of the birthdays of course). I knew it wasn't the kind of wallet that she likes. It is fat (she likes the flat kind where she can just chuck it into her jeans). And nope, I didn't buy black. Bought a nice blue color even though she always buy dark colored stuffs. Felt as if I was making a bet by purchasing something completely opposite of the details she fancy.. for her birthday some more. It cost almost $200 and she scolded me because it was expensive and it isn't the type of thing she will use. I know she meant well but guess it wasn't a bad attempt. though I felt that I could have spend the money on something she likes better or simply give her that amount. hmm.
My initial plan to go out w her failed as well. I went back home early though while the rest stayed back to do PM. Reached home and she called me and ask me where am I. She wanted to ask me to meet her at Bedok for lunch but told me it's okay after she found out that I was home even though I insisted I can find her. She came home w Gongcha (I asked her to buy for me hehe) and bread. And she had bread for lunch, I was like "What?"
We chatted a lot the whole afternoon. This was quite a rare moment because I rarely spend a lot of time at home nowadays especially like the entire afternoon. So mum is always alone at home until evening when everyone comes home. Supposed to go out for dinner in the evening but my bro didn't reply both our text when we asked him what time he will be home. I'm pretty soft-hearted so I don't know how someone like my bro can just ignore my mum text la wtf. But wasn't angry at him because he is always like that. Nope, no exception even on this special's day. He came home in the late evening, as expected. When dad ask him whether he wants to go out for dinner, he said that he was tired. Pretty understandable but is my mum's bday... and so, we had casual dinner at home and just eat anything.
Feel even worst that mum didn't had anything special for her birthday. No cake as well because mum ask us not to buy.. what. Worst still, my bro didn't even wish my mum. sigh.
Nonetheless, I'm super glad that fatty asked me to go home early today after school even though I suggested that I should stay back till later but yay, it was a good choice. thank you my love and thanks for accompanying me to buy mum's present on the day we were so tired. I can never say enough thank you to you for being the sweetest. Well, always waiting for me patiently outside the toilet and asking me to take my time when I have my urgent need to pooooop and I usually take quite a long time!
On Tuesday, I was being such a burden. Went toilet once when we were at IMM after walking around awhile after dinner. Didn't complete my toilet task and I knew I will have to go again. Tummy chose a bad timing because we took the train back to Joo Koon and we had to drop off again at Boon Lay for me to visit the toilet. I felt so bad because it was alr 7-8 plus and that's pretty late since we were supposed to go home for dinner. Thankful.
Yesterday was pretty scary man! Stayed in school till late to do work and it is actually the 7th month now. No choice because we have quite a lot to do for PM. Next week CSB and Mcomm FOL. And the following week is fyp deadline wow. When we were going home at 10 plus, we took the lift as usual. We were at the fourth floor so we were supposed to take to the second floor and then walk. The lift door open a small gap at the second floor and couldn't open!! Fatty tried to pull open the door but failed. So he closed it instead and try to go back to the fourth floor. I was panicky and scared! Wouldn't want to be stuck in the lift for hours plus it was late and I was afraid that if we ring the lift bell, no one will attend to us. Heart was pounding but luckily, the door opened and we were back at the fourth floor, thank goodness. I remember telling fatty that I was scared and he gave me a hug. It was really a sweet gesture that calm me down and I love how safe I feel when I'm with him and how he turns everything from positive to negative. He will always be there to help and make me feel better and I'm so thankful. I wonder when you will be able to read this but well, when you do, I hope it puts a smile on your face whether you are happy, angry, sad, grumpy, sian or wanna bash someone up! xoxo. <3
Oops went a little far from my initial post but was chatting with my mum and I am really thankful for the parents that I have. They say you can't choose/change your parents and I have the best that anyone will ask for. Every little gesture my parents do for me never fail to touch my heart, even though I no longer express my feelings that much. (I find it a little mushy as I grow older) Nonetheless, they will always have a place in my heart and I will never forget everything that they have done for me. :)
I will repay you someday. Meanwhile, loads of love.
